Life is always bitter sweet and just after Christmas a friend of mine whose baby is just a few weeks old asked me to take her to the hospital because she was pregnant again and was bleeding, she expected the worse. I was ok emotionally until they told her the baby was fine, I was pleased for her but at the same time it felt like a smack in the face as she didn't really want the baby.
I also found it very overwhelming and weird when complete strangers offered to hug me about it all as its like a fierce reminder of what has just taken place. I never feel like that when my friends and family have spoken to me about it. Everytime I think I am feeling less emotionally sensitive my son plays one of those Disney movies that catch you unawares like Cars, its ok until they get to the final race where Chick Hicks knocks The King and he crashes, so Lightening McQueen pushes him over the line so he can finish his last race *Sobs*.
We are getting through it, we are nearly 4 months on and normality has resumed on the whole. I am visibly reminded of this baby everyday by the 3 little scars it left behind on my stomach, its not forgotten. People that say time is a healer are wrong. I don't think time is the healer I just think in time we get better at dealing with it. Time helps you to focus your emotions, to contain them better, to trust God that his plan is bigger. I am very nervous about getting pregnant again, I think anyone would be when your odds go from a 1 in 100 chance of an ectopic to a 1 in 10, but when or if we get to that point we will deal with it all.